You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead You can live without sex, but not without your glasses You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You are proud of your lawn mower. Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. You sing along with the elevator music. You would rather go to work than stay home sick You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Neighbours borrow your tools. People call at 9pm and ask, "Did I wake you?". You answer a question with, "because I said so!". Your ears are hairier than your head. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. You got the cable for the weather channel. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.